Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. In the old days, it was not called the Holiday Season; the Christians called it "Christmas" and went to church; the Jews called it "Hanukka" and went to synagogue; the atheists went to parties and drank. People passing each other on the street would say "Merry Christmas!" or "Happy Hanukka!" or (to the atheists) "Look out for the wall!" -- Dave Barry, "Christmas Shopping: A Survivor's Guide"
A rapturous young fellatrix jdbc technology One day was at work on five pricks. With an unholy cry She whipped out her glass eye: "Tell the boys I can now take on six."
"I'll rob that rich person and give it to some poor deserving slob. That will *prove* I'm Robin Hood." -- Daffy Duck, "Robin Hood Daffy", [1958, Chuck Jones]
Noncombatant, n.: redhat A dead Quaker. -- Ambrose Bierce
Linux: Because rebooting is for adding java news brief::oci::november issue hardware Solaris: Because you don't need to reboot to add hardware Windows: Because rebooting is for adding hardware, adding software, regularly scheduled downtime, and should also be done on a daily basis to keep the machine running. -- From a Slashdot.org post
YOUR FOAMY FUTURE by Miss Fortune AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) You have nothing better to think about than what to wear and what type of champagne to take to the neighbors Halloween Party. Just take beer! Don't try to copy the "Joneses", pull them up to your level and remember, in California Hoalloween is redundant anyhow. PISCES (Feb. 19 - Mar. 20) Focus on strengthening friendships this Fall. You find others are fascinated by your intelligence, your wit, your drinking ability, and your bank account. Just make sure you realize it's far more impressive when other discover your good qualities without your help.
IBM had a PL/I, Its syntax worse than JOSS; And everywhere this language went, It was a total loss.
Sex hasn't been the same since women started enjoying it. -- Lewis Grizzard
Professor contact us Nerdstrom: Sit. I said sit! Bad fish!
A Scotsman clad in a kilt walks up to the counter in an Apothecary. From his pocket he takes a plaid condom that has been heavily used, torn, patched, sewn, and is currently split down one side. He asks the proprieter, "How much to replace this, Ian?" The proprieter says, "Why, Angus, that'l be four pence." Then the Scotsman asks, "How much to repair?" The prop. looks the condom over carefully, and says "Three pence to repair." The Scotsman ponders for a moment, then says, "I'll be back." Later in the day, the Scotsman returns with a smile on his face and says, "Ian, the Regiment has voted to repair!"
Never call a man a fool. Borrow from him.
Leela: Well, goodnight. I'm gonna go make my dinners for the next month and freeze them. cdtext
"Darling," he breathed, "after making love I doubt if I'll be able to get over you -- so would you mind answering the phone?"
Wow, the great ZDNET actually corrected a mistake! Of course, if they did that to all of Jesse Berst's columns, they'd lose 2/3 of their content... -- From a Slashdot.org post
"I don't object to sex before marriage, but two minutes before?!?"
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things the learning center store in the world that just don't add up.
Try to relax and enjoy the crisis. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. -- Woody Allen
You will be run over by a beer truck.
A Galileo could no more be elected president of the United States than he could be elected Pope of Rome. Both high posts are reserved for men favored by God with an extraordinary genius for swathing the bitter facts of life in bandages of self-illusion. -- H. L. Mencken
Live in a world of sequoia 2000 ftp server home page your own, but always welcome visitors.
No woman can call herself free until she can choose consciously whether she will or will not be a mother. -- Margaret H. Sanger
Drive defensively. Buy a tank.
Evening hours "all clear" for romance! (Tell mate you have javahispano to work late.)
Around computers it is difficult to find the correct unit of time to measure progress. Some cathedrals took a century to complete. Can you imagine the grandeur and scope of a program that would take as long? -- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
T-shirt of the Day: See Dick Drink... See Dick Drive... See Dick Die. DON'T BE A DICK.
After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that products were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. -- P. J. O'Rourke
Once I belonged to a group that really had THE WORD. I fought like hell for them. But another group came along and exposed the word of my group as shallow and degenerate. They had a better word. So I quit the first group and lost all the friends I had made and I joined up with this new group. I fought like hell for them. But another group came around. They exposed the word of my group as false and materialistic. Their word was very much better. So I quit the second group and lost all the friends I had made. And I joined up with this new group. I fought like hell for them. Till this one guy came along and proved that there wasn't any word at all. That I should go off as an individual and grow! So I quit the last group and lost all the friends I had made. And now I sit home alone all day and all I do is grow. It would be nice to join up with some others who feel the way I do. -- J. Feiffer
Different all twisty a of in maze are you, passages little.
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, If God won't have you, the devil must.
Ich vergebe meinen Feinden, aber ich merke mir ihre Namen -- John F. Kennedy
A man said to the Universe: "Sir, metalssiding I exist!" "However," replied the Universe, "the fact has not created in me a sense of obligation." -- Stephen Crane
Psychotherapy is the theory that the patient will probably get well anyhow and is certainly a damn fool. -- H. L. Mencken
Gypsy robot: You want to die? Bender: No, I wanna live! There's still too many things I don't own.
Bender: OK, but embedded linux distributions quick reference guide I don't want anyone thinking we're robosexuals.
Paul: Good way to avoid frostbite, folks, put your hands between your buttocks. That's nature's pocket.
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
Lebe jnb-oct so als sei jeder Tag dein letzter - eines Tages wirst Du recht haben.
Niblonian 1: You must tell him to disable it. We will do the rest. Leela: You can count on me! Niblonian 1: No we can't. Once on Earth, you will be too stupid to remember the message. Niblonian 2: That's why we wrote it down. Niblonian 3: We've also prepared a bag lunch and some mittens.
Your first husband was the one you married while firmly believing that there are more important things in life than bhogal great sex.
Sex and drugs and rock and roll, Is all my brain and body need. Sex and drugs and rock and roll, Are very good indeed. Take your silly ways, Throw them out the window, The wisdom of your ways, I've been there and I know, Lots of other ways... -- Ian Drury, "New Boots and Panties"
Leela: Hold Still, I don't have good depth perception!
Champagne don't make me lazy. Cocaine don't drive me crazy. Ain't nobody's business but my own. -- Taj Mahal
You will always get the greatest recognition for the job you least like.
What the hell, go ahead and put all your eggs in one basket.
God must love assholes -- She made so many of them.
Why is 6 afraid of technical topics - desktop 7? Because 7 8 9.
He was so gay he'd never lean his ass on a baseball bat -- scared it'd get serious.
Don't tell any big lies today. Small ones can be just as effective.
"Calling EMACS an editor is like calling the Earth a hunk of dirt." -- Chris migrating from microsoft access to mysql DiBona on Dirt (Open Sources, 1999 O'Reilly and Associates)
Ken Thompson has an automobile which he helped design. Unlike most automobiles, it has neither speedometer, nor gas gage, nor any of the numerous idiot lights which plague the modern driver. Rather, if the driver makes any mistake, a giant "?" lights up in the center of the dashboard. "The experienced driver", he says, "will usually know what's wrong."
"I don't understand this! Not a single part of my horoscope came true! ... The paper should print Mom's daily predictions. Those sure come true." -Calvin
Linux is only free if your time has no value. -- Jamie Zawinski - http://www.jwz.org/
My travel agent's an Oxford chap Who rolls his eyes when he speaks. I asked him about the Isle of Man For a journey of about six weeks. And this is what he said to me As he looked me right in the eye, "For a far-out trip, try an ice cream dip Of Elephant Shit On Rye." A brand-new store just opened its door At the corner of 5th and Vine And I happened inside ibm db2 alphablox: an in-depth technical view of ibm db2 alphablox to be standing right outside When they turned on their neon sign. I heard a strange sound, I looked around, And that's when I almost died, They nearly knocked me down to be the first in town To get their Elephant Shit On Rye!
The operator's left hand quivered as she gingerly unlatched the catch to the diskette reader. Uncontrollably, she reached down, guiding the sharply pointed diskette into the deep, dark slot. The floppy diskette nearly folded under the repeated thrusts of her hand, until finally she could control it no longer, her right hand instinctively taking an option zero. And then it all came at once, thousands upon thousands of data bits flowing from diskette to disk in a torrent of torrid transfer, as the helpless legs of the 32 strained to remain on the floor.
coyote love, n: Coyote love is a nebulous term. Basically, what it involves is the taking of a member of the preferred sex home from a singles bar. Then, when you wake up the next morning, they're sleeping on your arm. So, rather than wake them up as you escape, you chew off your arm at the shoulder. coyote ugly, adj: When you chew off the other arm 'cause she'll be looking for a one-armed man! See also proof that average instantaneous beauty increases monotonically as alcohol consumption increases and time, t, approaches last call.
Hättet ihr uns nicht object computing, inc. - java news brief - july 2003 so viel erklärt, hätten wir auch mehr verstanden!
Come home America. -- George McGovern, 1972
The owner of a large furniture store in the mid-west arrived in France on a buying trip. As he was checking into a hotel he struck up an acquaintance with a beautiful young lady. However, she only spoke French and he only spoke English, so each couldn't understand a word the other spoke. He took out a pencil and a notebook and drew a picture of a taxi. She smiled, nodded her head and they went for a ride in the park. Later, he drew a picture of a table in jdbc overview a restaurant with a question mark and she nodded, so they went to dinner. After dinner he sketched two dancers and she was delighted. They went to several nightclubs, drank champagne, danced and had a glorious evening. It had gotten quite late when she motioned for the pencil and drew a picture of a four-poster bed. He was dumbfounded, and has never be able to understand how she knew he was in the furniture business.
Life isn't a bitch. Life is a virgin. A bitch is easy.
Why, when no honest man will deny in private that every ultimate problem is wrapped in the profoundest mystery, do honest men proclaim in pulpits that unhesitating certainty is the duty of the most foolish and ignorant? Is it not a spectacle to make the angels laugh? We are a company of ignorant beings, feeling our way through mists and darkness, learning only be incessantly repeated blunders, obtaining a glimmering of truth by falling into every conceivable error, dimly discerning light enough for our daily needs, but hopelessly differing whenever we attempt to describe the ultimate origin or end of our paths; and yet, when one of us ventures to declare that we don't know the map of the universe as well as the map of our infintesimal parish, he is hooted, reviled, and perhaps told that he will be damned to all eternity for his faithlessness. -- Leslie Stephen, "An Agnostic's Apology", Fortnightly Review, 1876
10 Reasons Why a Beer is Better Than a Woman: (1) You can enjoy a beer all month. (2) Beer stains wash out. (3) Beer doesn't go crazy once a month. (4) Beer never makes you wait. (5) A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer. (6) Beer doesn't have a lawyer "in the family". (7) A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath. (8) Beer doesn't demand equality. (9) Beer labels come off without a fight. (10) Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
Dave Finton gazes into his crystal ball... July 2000: Government Issues Update on Y2K Crisis to American Public In a statement to all U.S. citizens, the President assured that the repairs to the nation's infrastructure, damaged severely when the Y2K crisis hit on January 1, is proceeding on track with the Government's guidelines. The message was mailed to every citizen by mail carriers via horseback. The statement itself was written on parchment with hand-made ink written from fountain pens. "Our technological progress since the Y2K disaster has been staggering," said the statement. "We have been able to fix our non-Y2K compliant horse carriages so that commerce can once again continue. We believe that we will be able to reinvent steam-powered engines within the next decade. Internal combustion engines should become operational once again sometime before the dawn of the next century." No one knows when the technological luxuries we once enjoyed as little as 6 months ago will return. Things such as e-mail, the Internet, and all computers were lost when the crisis showed itself for what it really was: a disaster waiting to happen. Scholars predict the mainframe computer will be invented again during the 24th century...
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Love's Drug My love is like an iron wand That conks me on the head, My love is like the valium That I take before my bed, My love is like the pint of scotch That I drink when I be dry; And I shall love thee still, my dear, Until my wife is wise.
A New York City judge ruled that if two women behind you at the movies insist on discussing the probable outcome of the film, you have the right to turn around and blow a Bronx cheer at them.
... it still remains true that as a set of cognitive beliefs about the existence of God in any recognizable sense continuous with the great systems of the past, religious doctrines constitute a speculative hypothesis of an extremely low order of probability. -- Sidney Hook
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. lists -- Mark Twain
Well, he went down to dinner in his Sunday best, Excitable boy, they all said! And he rubbed the pot roast all over his chest, Excitable boy, they all said! (Well, he's just an excitable boy.) He took in the 4am show at the Clark, Excitable boy, they all said! And he bit the usherette's leg in the dark, Excitable boy, they all said! (Well, he's just an excitable boy.) He took little Susie to the junior prom, Excitable boy, they all said! And he raped her and killed her, then he took her home, Excitable boy, they all said! (Well, he's just an excitable boy!) After ten long years they let him out of the home, Excitable boy, they all said! And he dug up her grave and built a cage with her bones, Excitable boy, they all said! (Well, he's just an excitable boy.) -- Warren Zevon, "Excitable Boy"
In breeding cattle you need one bull for every articles, links - sql server, oracle, db2, xml twenty-five cows, unless the cows are known sluts. -- Johnny Carson
I have great faith in fools -- self confidence my friends call it. -- Edgar Allan Poe
database A lad, at his first copulation, Cried, "What a sensation! Inflation, Gyration, elation Throughout the duration, I guess I'll give up masturbation."
If you took all the students that felt asleep in class and laid them end to end, they'd be a lot more comfortable. -- "Graffiti in the Big Ten"
Q: Does Bill Gates use public domain software? A: Yes, as all of the public has petefinnigan become Bill Gates' domain.
Der Mensch hat dreierlei Wege, klug zu handeln: erstens durch Nachdenken, das ist der edelste. Zweitens durch Nachahmen, das ist der leichteste. Und drittens durch Erfahrung, das ist der bitterste. -- Konfuzius
Versuche den Standard hochzusetzen und nicht darueber froh zu sein, dass er so niedrig ist. -- Steffen Glueckselig
FORTUNE DISCUSSES THE OBSCURE FILMS: #11 MONOPOLI: Peter Weir's classic film examining the false heroism of parlour games. The powerful ending of the film sees one young man after another charge toward GO, only to senselessly lose his life on the Boardwalk property.
creative commons deed 43rd Law of Computing: Anything that can go wr fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
He who trains his tongue to quote the learned sages, will be known far and wide as a smart ass. -- Howard Kandel
Finding out what goes on in the C.I.A. is like performing acupuncture on a rock. -- New York Times, Jan. 20, 1981
"I was playing poker the other night ... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died." -- Steven Wright
Dr. Zoidberg: "It funny because it's poisonous." jdbc downloads and specifications Fry: "Yeah, keep laughing, brine shrimp."
LEO (Jul. 23 - Aug. 22) Your determination and sense of humor will come to the fore. Your ability to laugh at adversity will be a blessing because you've got a day coming you wouldn't believe. As a matter of fact, if you can laugh at what happens to you today, you've got a sick sense of humor.
Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.
I came; I saw; I fucked up.
A CS student named Lin Had a prick the size of a pin It was no good for girls But just great for squirrels Who squealed with delight with it in.
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always theacolyte do it. -- Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
Being stoned on marijuana isn't very different from being stoned on gin. -- Ralph Nader
"My education message will resignate amonst all parents." George W. Bush January 19, 2000 Quoted in the New York Post.
'I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it." -- Mae West
A bad little girl in Madrid, A most reprehensible kid, Told her Tante Louise That her cunt smelled like cheese, And the worst of it was that it did!
The arms business is founded on human folly, that is why its depths will never be plumbed and why it will go on forever. All dba weapons are defensive and all spare parts are non-lethal. The plainest print cannot be read through a solid gold sovereign, or a ruble or a golden eagle. -- Sam Cummings, American arms dealer
Oh, I don't blame Congress. If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be thescripts irresponsible, too. -- Lichty & Wagner
In 1914, the first crossword puzzle was printed in a newspaper. The creator received $4000 down ... and $3000 across.
Gourmet, n.: Anyone whom, when you fail to finish something strange or revolting, remarks that it's an acquired taste and that you're leaving the best part.
He does it with a better grace, but I do it more natural. -- William Shakespeare, "Twelfth-Night"
In Seattle, Washington, it is illegal to carry free online programming tutorials / frequently recommended programming books (thefreecountry.com) a concealed weapon that is over six feet in length.
"Just once, I wish we would encounter an alien menace that wasn't immune to bullets" -- The Brigader, "Dr. Who"
"Gosh that takes me back ... or forward. That's the trouble with time travel, you never free encryption / cryptographic libraries and source code (thefreecountry.com) can tell." -- Dr. Who
Gurmlish, n.: The red warning flag at the top of a club sandwich which prevents the person from biting into it and puncturing the roof of his mouth. -- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
Zweifel ist keine angenehme Voraussetzung, aber Gewissheit ist eine absurde. -- Voltaire
After [Benjamin] Franklin came a herd of Electrical Pioneers whose names have become part beaconlaw of our electrical terminology: Myron Volt, Mary Louise Amp, James Watt, Bob Transformer, etc. These pioneers conducted many important electrical experiments. For example, in 1780 Luigi Galvani discovered (this is the truth) that when he attached two different kinds of metal to the leg of a frog, an electrical current developed and the frog's leg kicked, even though it was no longer attached to the frog, which was dead anyway. Galvani's discovery led to enormous advances in the field of amphibian medicine. Today, skilled veterinary surgeons can take a frog that has been seriously injured or killed, implant pieces of metal in its muscles, and watch it hop back into the pond just like a normal frog, except for the fact that it sinks like a stone. -- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
An octagenerian Jew To his wife remained steadfastly true. This was not from compunction, But due to dysfunction Of his spermatic glands -- nuts to you.
Get it up, site help keep it up... LINUX: Viagra for the PC. -- Chris Abbey
Microsoft should switch to the vacuum cleaner business where people actually want products that suck. -- Bruno Bratti
QOTD: "Whhoooooooeeeeeeeeeee, Elmer! Take a look at that purty young lady over thar! Why, I'd walk a mile barefoot over barbed wire and broken glass just to drive the truck that takes her panties to the cleaners!"
Everything you what's in al's shed today? know is wrong!
Lysistrata had a good idea.
A truly wise woman never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
Professor: "Good news. There's a report on TV with some very bad news."
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Help fight continental drift.
Once upon a time there was a farmer who owned a large number of chickens and made money by selling chickens to a local distributing company. The farmer wanted to increase his business, and so went to market to buy another rooster. "This rooster," assured the vendor, "is my best. He's virile and energetic and will take care of all your chickens!" The farmer, delighted at this, bought the rooster and returned to his farm. He set the rooster loose among his hen houses and, sure enough, the rooster enthusiastically went to work. It wasn't too long, however, before the rooster finished sleepycat software: download off all the hens and began on the few geese and ducks that were on the farm. "If you keep up this rate," warned the farmer, "you'll screw yourself to death!" The rooster, however, scoffed at the farmer and continued at an increased speed. The next morning, the farmer was doing his chores when he noticed several buzzards in the sky circling over something. He headed out behind the barn, and sure enough there was the rooster, flat on his back, with eyes closed. The farmer shook his fist at the motionless body and cursed, shouting "I knew it! I told you so! I knew you'd screw yourself to death!" The rooster turned his head toward the farmer, opened one eye, and winked. "Shhh!" he said, pointing to the birds above. "I think they're coming down."
"It's good to see so many friends here in the special report: microsoft-funded report claims embedding linux costs more than embedding windows Rose Garden. This is our first event in this beautiful spot, and it's appropriate we talk about policy that will affect people's lives in a positive way in such a beautiful, beautiful park of our national --- really, our national park system, my guess is you would want to call it." George W. Bush February 8, 2001 Address to a gathering in the Rose Garden at the White House.
If men could get pregnant, abortion would thefreecountry.com: free programmers' resources, free webmasters' resources, free security resources be a sacrament.
One day a mother and daughter are walking around a farming community and they see a stallion mounting a mare. The daughter takes in the scene and turns to her mother. "Mommy, what are those two horses doing?" Her mother hastily answered, "The horse on top hurt its hoof, and the one on the bottom is carrying him back to the stable." The daughter shook her head and sadly replied, "Isn't that just the way it goes? Try to help someone and you get fucked."
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. -- Elbert Hubbard
A jnb-oct remarkable race are the Persians; They have such peculiar diversions. They make love the whole day In the usual way And save up the nights for perversions.
"I'm prepared for all emergencies but totally unprepared for everyday life."
Prior what's in dave's spare room? to this year's Rock & Roll Hall of Fame cermony, [Cash] went to the bathroom. "I was standing at the urinal, and Keith Richards walked in... He said, 'Look at this, I'm pissing with Johnny Cash. We need a picture of this.' I said, 'No, Keith, we *don't* need a picture of this.'" -- Rolling Stone interview with Johnny Cash.
I'm not laughing behind your back; everything funny is in front! -- Rodney Dangerfield's wife
I am community not now, nor have I ever been, a member of the demigodic party. -- Dennis Ritchie
Captain Penny's Law: You can fool all of the people some of the time, and some of the people all of the time, but you Can't Fool Mom.
AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18) You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. On the other hand, you are inclined to be careless and impractical, causing you to make the same mistakes over and over again. People think you are stupid.
77. HO HUM -- The Redundant ------- (7) This hexagram refers to a situation of extreme --- --- (8) boredom. Your programs always bomb off. Your wife ------- (7) smells bad. Your children have hives. You are working ---O--- (6) on an accounting system, when you want to develop the ---X--- (9) GREAT AMERICAN COMPILER. You give up hot dates to --- --- (8) nurse sick computers. What you need now is sex. Nine in the second place means: The yellow bird approaches the malt shop. Misfortune. Six in the third place means: In former times men built altars to honor the Internal Revenue Service. Great Dragons! Are you in trouble!
Der Optimist glaubt dies sei die bestmoegliche Welt. Der Pessimist befuerchtet dass es stimmt.
Half-done: This is the best way to eat a kosher dill -- when it's still crunchy, light green, yet full of garlic flavor. The dbtools software - welcome to dbtools software difference between this and the typical soggy dark green cucumber corpse is like the difference between life and death. You may find it difficult to find a good half-done kosher dill there in Seattle, so what you should do is take a cab out to the airport, fly to New York, take the JFK Express to Jay Street-Borough Hall, transfer to an uptown F, get off at East Broadway, walk north on Essex (along the park), make your first left onto Hester Street, walk about fifteen steps, turn ninety degrees left, and stop. Say to the man, "Let me have a nice half-done." Worth the trouble, wasn't it? -- Arthur Naiman, "Every Goy's Guide to Yiddish"
Mankind's yearning to engage in sports is older than recorded history, dating back to the time millions of years ago, when the first primitive man picked up a crude club and a round rock, tossed the rock into the air, and whomped the club into the sloping forehead of the first primitive umpire. What inner force drove this first athlete? Your guess is as good as mine. Better, probably, because you haven't had four beers. -- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"
It is amusing that linking suggestions: how to link to thefreecountry.com a virtue is made of the vice of chastity; and it's a pretty odd sort of chastity at that, which leads men straight into the sin of Onan, and girls to the waning of their color. -- Voltaire
All he did was take the ball and run every time they called his number -- which came to be more and more often, and in the Super Bowl Thomas was the whole show. But the season is now over; the purse is safe in the vault; and Duane Thomas is facing two to twenty for possession. Nobody really expects him to serve time, but nobody seems to think he'll be playing for Dallas next year either, and a few sporting people who claim to know how the NFL works say he won't be playing for ANYBODY next year; that the Commissioner is outraged at this mockery of all those Government-sponsored "Beware of Dope" TV shots that dressed up the screen last autumn. We all enjoyed those spots, but not everyone found them convincing. Here was a White House directive saying several million dollars would be spent to drill dozens of Name Players to stare at the camera and try to stop grinding their teeth long enough to say they hate drugs of any kind... and then the best running back in the world turns out to be a goddamn uncontrollable drugsucker. But not for long. There is not much room for freaks in the National Football League. Joe Namath was saved by the simple blind luck of getting drafted by a team in New York City, a place where social outlaws are not always viewed as criminals. But Namath would have had a very different trip if he'd been drafted by the St. Louis Cardinals. -- Hunter S. Thompson
"A woman is like a dresser ... some man always goin' through her drawers." -- Blind Lemon Pledge
Every harlot was a virgin once. -- William Blake
A cowboy, his horse and his dog were captured by hostile Indians. This wasn't really a problem for the animals as the Indians can always use them, but the cowboy is informed that he will be burned at the stake the following sunrise. That evening, the Indian chief tells the cowboy that he can one last wish, within reason, of course, before meeting his fate the following morning. The cowboy replies that all he really wants is to see his faithful dog, Rex, one last time. When the dog is brought by the Indians, the cowboy hugs his companion and whispers something into his ear. At once the dog runs off over the hill. Amazingly enough, a few hours later, he returns, accompanied by some two dozen prostitutes from a nearby town. Needless to say, the braves are delighted and as a reward offer the cowboy his dog to keep him company through the rest of the night. When the dog is brought forth the cowboy again runs his hand over Rex's head and then bends down to whisper into his ear: "This may be my last chance, Rex, so get it right this time -- go into town and get the posse!"
Two php tutorial: writing your first php script: a feedback form (a formmail script) (thesitewizard.com) Peace Corps doctors who had just returned to a stateside hospital were in front of the main desk in the midst of a heated argument that went along these lines: (1st doctor) "No, no, no! It's 'waaaahmmmb'" (2nd doctor) "No you're wrong! It's 'woooooommmb'" and this continued for quite sometime. Finally a nurse stepped in and said: "The correct pronunciation is 'womb'" and trotted off. (1st doctor) "That shows you what she knows." (2nd doctor) "Yeah. I bet she's never even SEEN a hippopotamus, let alone heard one fart underwater."
No man is hdtv-antennas an island, but some of us are long peninsulas.
"It was pleasant to me to get a letter from you the other day. Perhaps I should have found it pleasanter if I had been able to decipher it. I don't think that I mastered anything beyond the date (which I knew) and the signature (which I guessed at). There's a singular and a perpetual charm in a letter of yours; it never grows old, it never loses its novelty .... Other letters are read and thrown away and forgotten, but yours are kept forever -- unread. One of them will last a reasonable man a lifetime." -- Thomas Aldrich
For months the loving newlywed had asked his blushing bride to perform oral sex on him, but to no avail. His sweet entreaties never worked, for she was simply too innocent and inexperienced to even *think* of such a thing, let alone attempt it. But a year of gentle persistence finally paid off, and one night his darling nervously but lovingly performed the act. When it was over, she looked deeply into his eyes, blushed, and asked, "How was I, sweetheart?" He looked at her and replied, "How should I know -- I'm no cocksucker!"
But the greatest Electrical Pioneer of them all was Thomas Edison, who was a brilliant inventor despite the fact that he had little formal education and lived in New Jersey. Edison's first major invention in 1877, was the phonograph, which could soon be found in thousands of American homes, where it basically sat until 1923, when the record was invented. But Edison's greatest achievement came in 1879, when he invented the electric company. Edison's design was a brilliant adaptation of the simple electrical circuit: the electric company sends electricity through a wire to a customer, then immediately gets the electricity back through another wire, then (this is the brilliant part) sends it right back to the customer software again. This means that an electric company can sell a customer the same batch of electricity thousands of times a day and never get caught, since very few customers take the time to examine their electricity closely. In fact the last year any new electricity was generated in the United States was 1937; the electric companies have been merely re-selling it ever since, which is why they have so much free time to apply for rate increases. -- Dave Barry, "What is Electricity?"
"So right now the only vendor that does such a stupid thing is Microsoft." -- Linus Torvalds on bad file system interface design. (Open Sources, 1999 O'Reilly and Associates.)
You notice that after Ginzburg admitted he had tried marijuana everyone got in line to admit it, too. But you also notice they all said they "experimented" with marijuana. The didn't "use" it; they "experimented" with it. Let me tell you something -- Jonas Salk "experiments"; these guys were getting stoned! -- Johnny Carson
You will be the victim of a bizarre joke.
crew, n: Eight free spyware / adware / trojans / hijackers detection, prevention, removal (thefreecountry.com) big men and their cute little cox.
My computer, my documents, my briefcase, my ASS! -- Ben Cook
Is sex dirty? Only if it's done right. -- Woody Allen, "All You Ever Wanted To Know About Sex"
In case of atomic attack, the federal ruling against prayer in schools will be temporarily canceled.